This was pure projection on my Mother's part, who still goes to AA even though I don't think she's an alcoholic either or ever really was. Her story was . . . well very complicated but some time in 1976 she went to an AA meeting and somebody very famous was there. She decided from that point on that her 'problem' was alcoholism. I think it was far less stigmatized than what anyone else had come up with for her in an attempt to understand her erratic behaviour and so the dye was set--for her. It didn't help anyone else terribly much trying to get her down from trees in the middle of the night or make any sense of what she was saying or doing, and quite a few of the numerous AA friends she brought home tended to think also, that alcoholism was not quite the full story with MJ.
Over the years she made attempts to get me and the family to go with her to an AA meeting. I think Dad and I went with her once and privately concluded it would be a lot more fun if everyone had something to drink, and then not too many years ago I went with her to another meeting. It wasn't that she was trying to get me to admit I was an alcoholic, that wasn't her reason for wanting me to go. I guess she just wanted me to be interested in what was an important part of her life.
It was a meeting in a country town, in a hall, in the middle of the day. I guess there would have been about ten or so people there. A woman got up to speak with the usual introduction . . . My name is [whatever it was] and I'm an alcoholic and we sat back to listen to her 'share' with us. There is a person who 'chairs' the meeting, but there is no facilitator as such, or anybody in 'charge'. This poor woman who was known to the group, quite well, absolutely spilled her guts to this small congregation -- a terrible tale, I can't remember the story, only that it was for her obviously very, very, upsetting. She cried and ended on a sad and desperate note and nobody said a thing.
"Shouldn't we do something Mum? Is anybody going to say anything to her?"
"We have a cup of coffee at the end of the meeting and I'll have a word to her then". Was mum's reply. I was a bit gobsmaked that there weren't any, I dunno, professionals on the scene to comfort this woman and when we were drinking coffee at the end of the meeting the crisis seemed to have past and I think Mum, said to her something about ringing her if she felt she needed to and everybody left happy. And I presume, trotted back the following week or a few days later for another meeting.
I know of another person who spent some time at NA. He was the boyfriend of a girlfriend and not my favourite person, not because of his habit, but rather his habit of talking about me rudely in the third person. He was a Scorpio surprise, surprise. Although I'd probably just call him an arsehole. However, when he was going to NA there was a very healthy, positive, vibe about him. He was eating well and was cheery and surfing and managed to be reasonably pleasant to me. Quite a bit different to the person I'd known. I wonder that this new person wasn't a bit brittle, a bit of a chimera but I was happy for him, and he was quite good to be around when he was positive. I've never been to an NA meeting but I'm certain they're modelled along the same lines as AA. Somebody gets up confesses their vulnerability, their addiction, speaks, all concur more or less, the speaker returns to their seat and that's it.
After the meeting in the country town, I began to think how exactly does this work? Psychologically, spiritually? I think what happens is: All these people are coming from a similarly dark place in themselves, not exactly the same, but a hell of sorts they've all been through to arrive at the point of an AA or NA meeting. They want dearly to improve their lives. They form a community focused on one thing, one better life for themselves, until politics or pettiness and personality intrudes, they are focused on a goal for good. By gathering together they reinforce one another's goal and by doing so attract spiritual communities who are both sympathetic and helpful to them. They are connected to one another by a benevolent spiritual community, who in turn are inspired by a correspondingly benevolent celestial community. Any Swedenborgian could understand this. It is incredibly empowering and joyful for the soul to make such a connection to something of a higher order and I guess that helps explain why many people who go to AA tend to go for a very long time, often for the rest of their lives and get a great deal out of it. When they stop going things get more difficult. Certainly people stop going to AA, stop drinking and lead happy and fruitful lives but I think more probably stay in AA groups or have transformed their lives so substantially that they have effectively defeated some of their demons.
We are surrounded by spiritual and celestial communities, everyday in everything we do, everything we think, everything we feel. We admit entry into us what is at the time our heart's delight. Sometimes we need to examine what is our heart's delight. It's actually not all good-- sorry. A quick flick through the press will tell you what is man's heart's delight. It's a battle. Like the Cherokee story:
An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. "A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy.
"It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego." He continued, "The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"
The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."
You attract or you feed what you put out at the time. It's pretty simple really. Hard to remember. Hard to be 'good'.
